Am I just a flower
vase? I have never thought of myself as that until I was being compared to
another girl yesterday. I guess it’s true that I am not as well-read,
well-traveled or equipped with as much working experience as her but I have
never really compared myself with other girls this way before.

However after hearing those remarks, I started to do some
self-realization and reflection. I proclaimed to prefer mature, well-read,
well-traveled, intelligent, witty and rich in experiences men because I enjoy
being taught and having my brain picked once in a while.

Immodestly, I have always thought of myself as an
entertaining and sharp companion but when it comes down to the crunch, what
exactly do I have to offer in return? All I can think of are: my tolerable
looks, ability to bake decent cakes, proper table manners, well-read but only
in terms of fictionalized novels/articles, couple of years of working
experience in a MNC firm, able to crack not-too-bad jokes once in a while, good
sleeping habits (I don’t snore, fidget, talk in my sleep, sleepwalk or even
move much while I’m sleeping), fairly good fashion sense and… nothing.

 As I read back my
list of ‘Pros’, I was kind of shocked
to see that it was extremely short actually. Then I tried to imagine myself as the
kind of man that I would like and scrutinized the list. Not surprisingly, I
found it to be lacking in many areas. No doubt it was not a very pleasant
wakeup call but I am glad that I got a wakeup call at all. I wouldn’t wish to continue
ignorantly thinking that I am well suited for a man like that (when in actual
fact, I am quite dull to them). How embarrassing.

Of course I am not feeling sorry for myself because it is as
ridiculous as feeling sorry for oneself for failing miserably for an exam which
one did not studied for at all. (Boy, that was a lot of ‘for’.) Anyway I was being compared to an older woman in the first
place so I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I am just thankful that I got
to realize my ignorance and limitations now rather than later.

Just give me a couple of years and I think I would catch up
quite nicely but if in case I do not, then I can always pretend to be those
sweet-childlike-unassuming-innocent-damsel-in-distress kind of woman. LOL. Although
I do know that when these traits team up with a wrinkled-face, the results can be
quite… revolting. Therefore, I would
try my best to age with grace and knowledge. I wish the same for all my friends
and god bless.

When people are brutally honest, they are actually being kind. I have been mourning because I thought I had lost something great but yesterday I finally realized that I wasn’t that important in the first place. Things that I thought were menial actually came before me. What a joke but it also comes as a blessing as this realization made it clear for me that it is time to move on and that I had been mourning for nothing. Yesterday I slept like a baby for nearly 10 hours straight. It was great…

I had a weird dream. I dreamt of my ex-boyfriend’s mother and sister ill-treating me:

In my dream, I went to their condo to do my daily housekeeping for them (in actual fact, I don’t really know how to do housework) and both of them suddenly talked to me in their Hainanese language which I don’t understand. They have always conversed with me in Mandarin but all of a sudden, they would only choose to speak in Hainanese! Of course I didn’t understand and looked confused so they threw a cassette tape, a CD and a DVD at me, ordering me to learn Hainanese.

On closer inspection, I saw that the tape, CD and DVD have exactly the same contents. They just gave me a wider variety of choice in case I only had one type of player at home. Lol, how weird! So I just picked up all the learning programs they threw on the floor and proceeded to sweep the floor. Both of them went back into their respective rooms and left me alone to do the chores.

Moments later, I had a weird premonition (like in Final Destination) that the condo will be demolished very soon with all the residents still inside! The government stated that they have to demolish the condo for some other big project but the real reason was that they wanted to eliminate all the residents there! So even if you somehow got wind of this news and ran away, they would still haunt you down and kill you. They wanted each and everyone of the residents dead but I didn’t know why.

Anyway while I was wiping the windows, I heard a thundering noise outside and turned my attention towards it. It was a gigantic machine used for demolishing buildings (like the one in I-Robot starring Will Smith) and I couldn’t breathe! I knew this was going to happen but didn’t expect it to be so soon. The thought of running away crossed my mind as I wasn’t a registered resident of that condo and I was pretty sure that they wouldn’t haunt me down. I stood there contemplating what to do for my next move and decided that I should try to save those two as well.

Earlier in my premonition, it hinted me on where were the safe places to hide in the building. You would still come out alive even after they demolished the whole estate as those were the small areas that they missed. It made perfect sense to do that as we couldn’t outrun the machine if we decided to escape so we might as well just hide it out. I then ran into their rooms and told both of them to quickly follow me to hide at a safe place as the whole estate is going to be demolished. As expected, they didn’t believe me and I was too pressed for time to go into details (man, I hate this kind of dreams).

Out of desperation, I decided to knock both of them unconscious and drag their bodies to that safe place. I don’t know how but in my dream I was super strong and managed to do just that (mind you, the sister is not a small-sized woman). I half carried, half dragged them through multiple corridors and stairways. We finally reached the sanctuary and to my amazement, I saw a bunch of my relatives there as well! I asked them why were they there and they told me that they were trying to find a safe place to hide but I told them that they aren’t even residents of the condo! Why did they purposely came to witness the demolition and put themselves in danger? (This is getting too weird, even as far as dreams go.)

Pretty soon, the demolition started and we all huddled together as clusters of the walls fell around us. I was praying and hoping that I will see my ex-boyfriend soon (in the dream he was still my boyfriend) because he always made me feel safe.

Finally, the scary process was over and we started to look for a way out of the mess. Practically everything was burnt to bits with charred bodies everywhere. It was horrible and then we saw the machine that demolished the estate. It was big, black and menacing. The bad news was, it spotted us too and I thought that it was going to finish us off but instead a figure descended from it. From a distance I could tell that it was a man. He was probably the person who ordered this mission and I was ready to kneel and grovel and do whatever it takes for him to spare our lives. To my horror, the man was my ex-boyfriend and…

… I woke up. It sure was a crazy dream. In actual fact, both his sister and mother are very nice people and would never ill treat me that way. Plus they are the people he love the most so he wouldn’t do anything like this to them. Sigh this dream left me tired instead of rested but I can’t go back to sleep. Guess my mind is too imaginative, I am always have dreams like that though not always so weird…

Nothing much, just thought I’ll post some boh liao pictures that was taken in school…

This is Mr. Darren Chang seriously studying in class:

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This is him photo-whoring in class:

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And finally this is of him sleeping in class:

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This is a picture of a cup of prawn crackers spilled by Germaine in class:

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Follow by her sleeping in class as well:

(Oh, that is Bernard in the background, seemingly attentive in class but who knows?)

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This is Candice:

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This is a picture of Darren and I in the school bus:

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Lastly, this is the picture of the jumbo-sized honeydew milk Darren and I shared in class today. No, we didn’t finish it:

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Thats all folks. Told ya it was boh liao but hey, you read it at your own risk. Muahahaha…

10 Ways to Survive a Break Up

1. Friends and Family. I know this may seem obvious but lean on
   your friends and family. Spend time doing things together, not just
   talking and thinking about the break up. If this isn’t enough, you may
   consider a support group or counseling.
2. Resist the urge to beg. You want them back but not at
   any price. At the time it may seem the right thing to do but think
   about it. In the long run they will lose respect for you. This doesn’t
   mean don’t try to work things out. If there is a chance you can work
   things out, go for it. However, if your partner has made it clear that
   in their eyes, the relationship is over, begging will not help and may
   hurt the situation.
3. Make a change in your life. Find a new way to spend your
   time. Take a class, join a gym, adopt a pet, or volunteer. Do anything
   that will make you feel good about yourself. Your ego is probably
   feeling bruised right now. Find a way to counteract that.
4. Understand your mistakes but also realize that you are not a failure.
   Don’t beat yourself up. If you made mistakes, then yes, learn from them
   but dwelling on what might have been won’t help. It takes two to make a
   relationship, it also takes two to end one. You weren’t the only one
   who made mistakes. It may not seem useful to you now, but a lot of
   times the things you learned from this experience will make your next
   relationship stronger, as long as you make the necessary changes.
5. Start Dating. You won’t feel like it at first, but don’t
   stay away from other people for an extended period of time. Going out
   with other people can help the healing process and boast your ego.
6. Don’t fall prey to others. There will be people trying
   to sell you this or that, guaranteed to win back your partner. Don’t
   let people take advantage of you while you are vulnerable. If you do
   buy something, understand that while there is a chance it could help,
   there is also a chance that it won’t.
7. Take up a hobby. Learn something new. There is probably something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time. You have the time, do it.
8. Don’t rush into another relationship. While starting to
   date can help you feel better, it’s not a good idea to rush right into
   another relationship. Take time to heal before making any commitments
   or someone will probably end up getting hurt.
9. Avoid dwelling on it. I know it’s impossible not to
   think about it, but, if you find yourself doing so for an extended
   period of time, find a way to take your mind off of it. Call a friend;
   go to the gym, whatever comes to mind. If nothing seems to work, try
   this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off now. This could
   include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date anyone I
   want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and
   stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they
   did that drove you crazy, because there are some. Don’t look back with
   rose colored glasses and only remember the good things. Don’t have the
   idea in your head that if only we were back together I would be happy.
   Wrong. Wouldn’t they have a lot to answer for if you did get back
   together? Leaving you was probably the biggest mistake they will ever
   make. Let them dwell on it, you move on!
10. Build your ego. I’ve touched on this already but it is
    very important. Find ways to feel better about yourself. This could be
    anything from getting a haircut to buying some new clothes. You could
    take a class on self improvement. If nothing else, you should do this:
    Make a list of things that make you a great person. Don’t sit there and
    tell me you can’t think of anything. I don’t buy it. Try again. Are you
    kind? Patient? Intelligent? Cook like a pro? Can fix anything? There
    are things that make you great. WRITE them down and whenever you feel
    low, read your list and add to it. You are you and you are great so
    don’t let anyone ever make you feel that you aren’t.

… a person can be in a relationship yet she is always sad and crying as if she is at a funeral?

Help! I think the Money Demon has gotten to me as I found myself toying with the idea of taking up  assignments that conflict with my schooling hours because the pay is attractive. Set your priorities straight Michelle Huang!

Sometimes I wonder, what is the secret solution to keeping
your husband faithful and loving after many years of marriage? Some women are
just lucky as they possess something unique that just drives their men to be
crazy about them but those less fortunate women have to work for their husband’s
affections. As in they have to maintain their outlook, be patient and caring,
cook a decent meal, take care of her husband’s parents, be a good mother etc…
You would have thought that any man would kill to have such a wife but does it truly
guarantee that your husband will not stray?

I just watched a program on Channel 5 about this woman who
is married for many years and has two fully grown daughters. At first she
appears to be living a contented life as she has a loving husband, filial daughters
and a hobby that she enjoys which is ballroom dancing. Her instructor encouraged
her to go for competitive ballroom dancing but she thought that she should
consult her husband first as she wanted to make sure that he was alright with
it. How thoughtful right?

Everything was going well till her husband’s brother
proposed a business proposition to her husband and that is to start a business
in China.
They discussed about it and being the good wife that she is, she decided to
support his decision to venture into the unknown. The next scene showed that
the husband was discussing business with some sleazy China businessman in a nightclub (I
really don’t get it, why do guys have to discuss business in a nightclub? I
mean, it is noisy and dark! You can’t even hear each other properly or read the
business proposals clearly so why the f**k discuss “business” there?). Anyway,
the sleazy businessman
introduced this cheapo looking China
girl to the husband and the rest is history.

One day she spotted her husband’s brother in town and asked
him why was he in Singapore?
Shouldn’t he be with her husband in China discussing business? Her
husband told her that he had to fly to China again to settle some business
issues and she assumed that his brother would tag along. The brother clarified
that he gave up after the first trip to China as he discovered it wastoo
difficult and risky to start a business there. The woman was puzzled as her
husband frequently made trips after the first visit and even stayed as long as
one month there. This event got her suspicious.

At home, her daughters noticed that she wasn’t herself and
asked her what was on her mind but she didn’t want to tarnish their father’s
image so she kept assuring them that it was nothing. Omg, how much more magnanimous
can one be? If I were her, I would have burst out crying in front of my
daughters and told them what a sleaze ball their horny father was.

Okay back to the story, she couldn’t concentrate at her
dancing lessons and continuously made obvious mistakes so even her instructor
grew concern for her. He too inquired if something was bothering her but she
kind of avoided his question and told him she was just tired. However, he
encouraged her to take up the ballroom dancing competition again and this time,
she agreed.

On the day her husband’s flight was due to arrive back in Singapore,
she decided to be the good wife and went to the airport to welcome him but upon
arrival, her husband got irritated and asked her why was she at the airport.
She told him that she just wanted to welcome him home, why does he have to be
so nasty but he blamed her for not being understanding and that he was tired so
she shouldn’t harp on such small matters. At this point, I wanted to throw my
shoe at the television to hit that bloody man’s kiam-pah face but I was at home
and didn’t have any shoes on so I threw a piece of tissue paper instead which
was too light and didn’t reach the television… Anyway, she caught him in a lie
as when she inquired about his brother’s business, he told her it was running
smoothly. She confronted him and told him that his brother already told her
that he gave up on the business long ago so why was he still frequently going
on trips to China?
He gave a lame excuse that although he was breed in Singapore,
in his heart he is still from China
and therefore he needs to be  there. What the f**k is that? A three year old would have come up with a better excuse!

Strong woman that she was, she tried to get on with her life
for the sake of her daughters but the slutty China girl wouldn’t leave her
alone. The slut called her on her mobile phone one day and told her that she
love her husband then hanged up! This got the woman exasperated so she
contacted the China slut to set up a meeting.

They met up in a café and the woman told the slut to leave
her husband and that she is the victim here. The slut proclaimed that she loves
her husband and that their love already faded after so many years of marriage.
There is no more passion between them. She even revealed that she had her
husband’s baby twice but both times she aborted them. Seeing that this was a
lost cause, the woman heartbrokenly left the café.

Back home, her husband questioned her where she had been (The
nerve of that guy! Somebody kill him already!) But she retaliated and demanded
to know what went on between him and the China slut. You go girl! He then told his wife that if she dared to harm his China slut, he wouldn’t let her off
easily. Suddenly, their daughter interrupted their confrontation so they abruptly
ended it. However the husband left some parting words ‘Hair for hair’. I don’t
understand how he can treasure that China slut so much and treat his wife like shit? Its not as if she did something wrong in the first place!

The day finally came where her husband asked her for a
divorce but she wouldn’t give it to him. She wouldn’t take it lying down and so
this bitter war dragged on but one day, a conversation between she and her
husband finally did her in. He literally begged her for a divorce and even
kneeled down. Seeing that, she caved in and tears rolled down her cheeks. She
asked him what has she done wrong as a wife and mother to their children to
deserve all this? He told her that it wasn’t her fault, he just know that he
needs the China
slut and she wants him to marry her but before he can do that, she have to
grant him the divorce first. If the China slut were to leave him, he would die… tonight.He said that either she give him the divorce or bury him.
It was then, this admirable lady submitted to defeat.

-End-

I guess to hear a man say that, it diminishes any hope
of reconciliation. To know that your man would die for another woman really
kills it for you. He might as well plunge a knife into your heart. It would
hurt less. This show was based on a true account and so my question comes back
to. What is the secret solution to keeping your man yours?  I suspect that there is no secret solution. In
the end, everything is que sara sara, whatever will be will be. It is
impossible to predict the future but for those girls out there who are dating
guys who have roving eyes, whistles at any decent looking chicks on the street,
secretly jot down your girlfriend’s number behind your back, receive funny smses/calls
at odd hours, go missing from time to time, keeps an impressive stash of
condoms with him at all times which mysteriously disappears even when you don’t
remember having sex with him for the past two weeks… Please, LEAVE HIM. CHUCK
HIM. DUMP HIM. SHRED HIM with your office shredder machine. PUREE HIM with your
electric blender. DISSOLVE HIM in a pot of boiling oil. FREEZE HIM in your
freezer. TUMBLE HIM in your washing machine. Do whatever that is mentioned but do
not stick with him. The correct decision might save you from committing
suicide, insanity or be charged with murder in the near future.